Semi-Finals - 2 Weeks Notice
- Thomas
- Dec 14, 2016
- 12 min read
"I have no respect for him. For a guy that's been a slouch in this league as a QB, he does a lot of fake hard shit. I looked up his background; he's a suburban kid from Pittsburgh. Stop acting hard."
- Pacman Jones on Terrelle Pryor
Another week in the books and we are down to just 4 teams left standing. Last week both high seeds went down, as the wild cards swept the weekend
We had a very interesting week in the wild card, with two of the three lowest scores coming from our top-seeded bye getters… anyone can lose any week.
To our Bye week teams, I hope you had a nice week off, you earned it
Let's start with the ugly, because there was plenty of it. First off, I want to give the Browns mascot a shout out for the interpretive performance he gave last weekend, a stunning realism impressionist reflection of the Browns season… true modern art
Ryan Tannehill attracted the attention of the Browns front office with this, the worst pass attempt in NFL history
And of course the Rams couldn’t be left out
The bad was in such strong force that it extended itself into some world-class graphics.
That "???" turned out to be Trey Burton and he did a fantastic job, Brent Celek on the other hand...
Officials were also at the top of their games this week. We had some great no calls
but even better miscalls
We even got some cheap shots tossed into the ugliness because those were on special
Harry Douglas shares an agent with Aqib Talib (who was the angriest of the Denver teammates about that hit). Talib said post game that he's gonna find Douglas in Atlanta and "fuck him up." This wouldn't be too big of a deal except Talib is actually crazy and also:
But the real icing on the cake this week has got to be the culmination (at least we think) of the Jeff Fisher fiasco.
Jeff had just lost his 4th straight game and tied the NFL record for most losses by a head coach in a career… now he’s fired, and will never get to claim that record. Who knows though, the way this has gone we might hear LA announce a new Jeff Fisher extension in 2 weeks.
LA News even got in on the action with the jokes though
Jeff Fisher basically coached mediocrity his whole career. 15 years with the Titans doing absolutely nothing and 4 with the Rams doing the same. He’s 178-171-1 on his career with a winning percentage of .510 a record of 5-6 in the postseason… Can you be any more average?
Let's get one more look at that fumble as we stroll down memory lane with Jeff
Lastly, the Pro Bowl is going to get a lot cooler because they’re adding dodgeball (and finally bringing back the skills competition). Check it out here:
TROPHY TIME!!!:
Karlos Dansby Wildcard Weekend High Score Challenge
WINNER:
Mister Meeseeks
Congratulations to Phil (read congratulations to Le’Veon Bell) for winning the first inaugural Karlos Dansby Wildcard Weekend High Score Challenge. Out of all 6 eligible teams, Nick was the only one to put up a 100+ point score. Bell accounted for 45.7% of Phil’s score for the week. Bell outscored the next closest player (Bilal Powell, 32.4 pts) by 17.4 points, which is essentially a week’s worth of points. Bell joined Julio Jones (week 4, 42 pts) and Derek Carr (week 10, 40pts) as the only players to score 40 or more points this year. This was the highest individual score by any player for the season, a very fitting way to win the high score challenge.
AWARD WATCH LIST:
NAME TBD MVP Award
1. QB Aaron Rodgers - 321 points
2. QB Matt Ryan- 310.2 points
3. RB David Johnson - 303.5 points
4. QB Drew Brees - 291.6 points
5. QB Kirk Cousins - 278.8 points
NAME TBD Skill/Flex MVP Award
1. RB David Johnson - 303.5 points
2. RB Ezekiel Elliot- 260.4 points
3. RB DeMarco Murray - 240.4 points
4. RB Le’Veon Bell - 236.1 points
5. RB Melvin Gordon - 228.1 points
Another week, another weird Color Rush story:
The Rams will travel to Seattle this week (without Jeff Fisher lol bumclown) to take part in what will hopefully be a messy sloppy terrible NFC West game. The Seahawks will be wearing exactly what you’d expect this week. Bright-ass lime fucking green jerseys.
TBD which of those two colors the jerseys will actually be… Anyways the Rams Color Rush jersey is all yellow and looks like this:
But, the NFL didn’t want the game to look like this:
and of course they had no control whatsoever over what color the Rams' jersey was, so those will have to wait until next year….
BUT
This is LA Baby… this is our new favorite team. We need this market… we need the success. This is the most important team to us moving forward for 5 years… We can't let our most favorite $ity not get to parti$ipate in our mo$t favorite color ru$h. So the Rams get to change their helmet decal again and rock these throwbacks with white jerseys this week:
This is the first time they’ve worn the white helmet decals since the 1970s
it’s cool. The Rams get a 2 for 1 new hat and new uniform on color rush BUT THE EAGLES CANT FUCKING GET THEIR KELLY GREEN UNIFORMS BACK AND WE STILL GOTTA KEEP WEARING “NEW” ALL BLACKS EVERY TIME! WE’VE BEEN ON THIS BLACK JERSEY SWAG SINCE 2004 THIS ISNT NEW TO US.
GIVE
US
WHAT
WE
WANT
Plenty of talent to go to waste on a short week of rest and preparation.
Without further ado.
Wild Card Review
Sam put up his third lowest score of the second (beating his week 1 showing by 0.1 pts) are the worst time possible. That’s all it takes on the playoffs, one bad week and you’re gone. Sam’s core trio of Taylor, Murray and Beckham tried their best but the supporting points were nowhere to be seen. This has pretty much been the story for Sam’s roster all year, one week the supporting cast is alive the next it's gone. Nick’s lineup played out similarly to Sam’s with the key difference being the points he found from new contributors. The Falcons D/ST racked up 26 points, likely making the difference in a 15-point win for Nick.
After a furious rally to make the playoffs, the Falcons delivered low blow death shot to Sam’s fantasy season, Nick advances:
Like I brought up last week, Joe actually would’ve been better off losing to Nick and facing him again this week while letting Sam deal with Brian. Instead, he put up the third highest score of the week and still lost his playoff matchup. If Justin Tucker makes a field goal that was blocked, this is a 6 point game and MNF probably shakes out a bit differently as well, so who knows. Amazingly, what probably held Joe back the most was the rough day Drew Brees had against Tampa. Joe was going to need Brees’ MVP run continue to make noise in the playoffs. Brian was once again able to find the necessary points on a roster littered with contributors, he looks to knock off Charlie this week to earn a spot in the League Championship.
In Joe’s moment of greatest need, Drew Brees was nowhere to be found:
Dicks Out For Harambe 89.2 @ Harrisonburg 21-16 89.6
This one would’ve been a pretty brutal loss if the game really mattered. Pat needed just over 48 points entering Monday night to pull out a win; he got 48 exactly. It seemed more and more that Tom Brady would put him over the hump as the night went on; the 4th quarter actually saw this game swing back and forth between the two quite a bit. Neither team was really able to get much going, but as has been the case all season, Jacob’s roster was just more consistent than Pat’s at scoring points from all positions. All but three of Jacob’s players reached double digits, securing the tooth and nail victory over Pat.
A really exciting game, that ultimately means nothing:
Real Life Football Champs 93.4 @ Mister Meeseeks 108.9
My roster planned a nice little switcheroo on me this week, as this time the running backs actually did something while everyone else took a step back. I will lose every game left this year in exchange for a PSU title next year, so ill fux with it. Phil’s roster actually had a pretty tough day, with several usually reliable players putting out very low production. LeVeon Bell more than made up for it, though, single-handedly outgaining Buffalo en-route to an almost 50 point day. Hopefully, Phil won't be looking for those points this week when he looks to win and secure a spot outside of the last-place game.
Phil watching Le’Veon Bell rack up the points:
PLAYOFF UPDATE:
Both Wild Card teams advanced last weekend, so I guess right off the bat the decision to move to a 6-team playoff was slightly validated.
In round 2, our division winners begin play. Charlie will host Brian in a rematch of the week 3 matchup that Brian won by 48 points. Meanwhile, Pat and Nick will matchup for the third time this season; Nick was the only team to beat Pat this year, going 2-0 vs. him on the season.
Both games are projected to be 30 points games. We’ll see if Charlie and Nick can keep the magic going or if point juggernauts Brian and Pat were truly destined to meet in the finals.
Semi Finals Preview
Game 1
#5 Kings of Leon (8-6)
@
#1 Skittle Monster (10-3)
Line: Skittle Monster -30.7
Trump squad took a week off to rid Washington of its billionaires and wealthy elites, 100% success so far amirite. With Gordon down, he will have to make a few new fantasy friends for a week.
If anyone can handle the attrition of losing a top 5 fantasy back, it is Pat. LeGarette Blount and Carlos Hyde are both excellent fill-ins, capable of going for 20+ any week.
The return of AJ Green also creates an intriguing storyline for Pat’s team heading into the climax of the season.
Picking up Green’s double-digit performances again would be enough to counterbalance the loss of Gordon for a week. As always, it looks as though Pat’s team has the right combination of players and matchups to be primed for a big performance…. But he’s playing Nick
Nick has kidnapped a third pureblood child to be sacrificed on the Altar of Satan sometime before the games this weekend.
If he completes the ritual for the third time this year he hopefully summons the Spirit of Cthulhu to curse Pat’s team for a third time this year, holding the roster to under 90 points.
At this point, Pat may want to consider seeking spiritual blessings for his team or at least carry a rosary in the pocket this weekend… maybe some garlic I dunno, whatever keeps away demon spirits.
The injury of Matt Forte comes at the worst possible time, as Nick’s roster isn’t quite as equipped as Pats to handle losing a top player. However, Nick won this same matchup in week 11 (quite easily too) WITHOUT Forte in the starting lineup.
Julio Jones will likely return to action this week and the game could very well come down to how well he performs with the hindrance of turf toe (we don’t even know how bad it is still). Nick’s team may be starting to reach a peak at the perfect point in the season…. The sacrificial rites can’t hurt, though.
This game is being played via emojis on twitter.
Game 2
#6 Red Wedding (8-6)
@
#2 Is it December 16th yet? (7-6)
Line: Red Wedding -30.8
In a rough scoring week for the league, Brian was still the top team scoring team in round 1 of the playoffs. With the Gordon injury, Johnson and McCoy now stand as the definitive best backfield in the league, both averaging in the ballpark of 20 ppg.
If Bilal Powell is going to be the main focus of the Jets offense moving forward, Brian may have found the 3 RB formula to full playoff success.
The only thing that may stand in his way at this point is himself, as the roster is becoming so littered with scoring options that over-management might be the only thing to hold it back.
Charlie has been an enigma all year long, defying the odds to make the playoffs without a starting RB post week 4. This week, with the addition of Special K Farrow, Charlie will have 2 starting RBs in his lineup for the first time since week 3 or 4 depending on how you view the role of Fozzy Whitaker.
Pair that with what has been a consistently performing group of QBs and WRs and Charlie could find a way to win 2 games and walk out of here with a trophy some dollas.
The Sconnie magic will need to gain strength as the dark coldness of December sets in.
This game is being played Facebook Live.
Hunger Foul
Red Wedding : 93.6 Points
I haven’t been keeping count, but I’m pretty sure Brian has won this award more than anyone else and mostly due to his team being an absolute point machine. There really wasn’t too much most the bench could’ve done for Brian, though I guess anyone could’ve started over Dez Bryant’s sorry ass. Bilal Powell went off for a monster 32.4 points, toss in Emmanuel Sanders and Brian could’ve gone for 160+ this weekend.
Waiver Move of the Week
Kings of Leon
Drop Dolphins D/ST, Add Falcons D/ST
SCALE 1 to 10:
This could be a strong front-runner for waiver move of the year considering the circumstances. First off I can already tell you the Dolphins D is trash because it features former Eagles greats Kiko “The Arm Tackle” Alonso and Byron “Toast II” Maxwell (THEY gave US a better first round pick for that), but gotdamn the Falcons D went in this weekend on the poor helpless Rams. This isn’t a particularly dominant defense by any means, folks. They averaged right around 5 points a game coming into the weekend; They’re middle of the pack vs. the run and actually dead last vs. the pass… but this was Jeff Fisher’s final performance. His masterpiece. The Falcons were there to capitalize.
Bad Luck of the Week
Genderfluid Nonbinary
Drew…
I would’ve gone with Pat’s 0.4-point loss if it really meant anything (but getting to play me, instead of Phil, is possibly a reward). Going into last weekend I though Joe would need 3 things to beat Brian: 1) Big game from an RB 2) TY being TY and 3) An Average day from Brian… I didn’t think it was possible that he would hit all three and the one thing that would hold him back would be Drew Brees. Not that I’m really rooting for any one team over the other, but Joe beating Brian (just like Nick beating Pat) would’ve opened up an entire half of the bracket. It’s no secret that Brian and Pat’s teams have been scoring at another level this year, both in amount and consistency. This game was ripe for the stealing and the least likely of weakest links kept the playoff shakeup from passing.
Consolation At A Glance
I’m pretty sure this is another game that ultimately doesn’t matter.
Neither team can qualify for the third place matchup and neither is going to be bumped to the loser’s consolation ladder. So, ultimately the two teams play this week for the right to be labeled the home team when they play next week in a match that will determine who comes in 5th and 6th in the league.
It’s a pretty fitting fate for these two teams to be trapped with open another. Both have been up and down the whole year, following wins with losses, 120-point games with 80-point showings. Both revolve around a QB, RB, WR trio and they finished the year 3rd and 4th in scoring. Now they face each other twice to end the season. You know, given the constantly changing identity of Joe’s team, it's entirely possible these teams are actually THE SAME TEAM
Fun Fact: Phil hasn’t scored less than 100 points since week 4; in that span, he’s averaging 113.31, more than most playoff teams believe it or not.
Kirk Cousins and Marcus Mariota have been incredible options at QB while Le’Veon Bell has worked his way into the NFL MVP discussion during Phil’s impressive run. If only the schedule had worked out differently, he could still be active in the playoffs… who knows?
Jacob’s season went down the drain with the Carolina Panthers… it’s a long time since August, but I don’t think anyone imagined Kaepernick, Jennings and Snead would be starters on this roster come December… that’s just how the NFL season is, though. A win this week would be big as it would keep Jacob out of the toilet bowl… never want to be the guy who goes from winning the league one year to last place the next.
Just 3 weeks ago, Pat eliminated me from playoff contention; now I look to get revenge and eliminate myself from last place game contention. Welcome to the throw down bitch. Not getting last place is all I’ve had for a while now… I was born the consolation bracket; your team merely adopted it.
After splitting our season series, the rubber match will now serve as a fitting end to the year’s rivalry, sending the loser to the toilet bowl where they will play for their pride.
Last season we split the series as well, with me getting the better end of Pat in the 3rd place game to close the year…. My how things have changed.
Luckily, I get to be the benefactor of Patriots-Broncos week, Hopefully, Aqib Talib's crazy gun toting ass can inspire his defense to continue to own New England (do your thing Wade… SHOOT THAT SHOT).
This is also projected to be an incredibly close game… oddly enough the playoff games are projected blowouts while the consolation games are projected to be a combined 10.8 margin of victory.
That’s all for week 15 (wow so many weeks). Next week we’ll prepare for the end, we can all join together in a prayer circle and wait for the reckoning.
Stay strong fam, 2 weeks of lineup setting left (until next year)
Feel Free to offer submissions for awards or ideas for new awards each week. Any and all LM note input is welcome.
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