Week 2 - Time to Reflect, JK Fuck That Win or Get Out
- Thomas
- Sep 13, 2018
- 9 min read
"My mom died, I went to the funeral and came to camp the next day ... Al (Villanueva) has seen people die and has come and given his all to this team." – Ramon Foster on how not caring when his mom died makes him a better teammate than Le’Veon “PAY ME” Bell
Week one is in the books, great job everyone.
Jacob became the first owner in the league to reach the 30-win mark, he’s now 30-18 overall and the only owner with a win% over .600 (PLo is in second by a laaarge gap)
The race to 50 starts now.
Great week scoring-wise, in fact, this was the highest average the league has ever had in week 1. 2015 and 2016’s averages were both 114 and last year took a step back to 99 but this week we set the high mark with 115, congrats everyone. We actually had a higher league average this week than another week during last season so maybe we’re all a bit smarter now.
Shouts out to Brian for refusing to ever take week 1 off. In 4 years, his season-opening low score is 128.5 with an average of 132.9… oddly enough the only week he has a higher average is week 13 (last week of the season), just a random observation and maybe a reason why Brian’s always made the playoffs (I think).
Our other annually solid week 1 performer is Plockett. He put up 131.6 last week, upping his week 1 avg. to 132 (shout out to that 168 spot in 2016). He also matches his week 1 score with a strong 128-point average in week 13, I’m slowly starting to think there’s some magic to that.
33% of week 1’s scoring came from the WR position, with 29% coming from the tailbacks. That’s most comparable to 2016 when we finished with a 30/25 % split at WR and RB. TEs scored just 47.8 points this week, that’s 4% of the weekly total which is mildly alarming considering they usually come in around 8/9% (last season was & though so maybe it is declining despite popular belief).
Joe had the most improved week 1 score this year, he improved on last year’s 77-point mark by 49.4 points! Nick had the biggest drop from 2017 to 2018. Last year he scored 137.5 in week 1m this year he regressed 53 points back to 84 points (which he scored in 2016 lol). I guess Nick can only score 84 or 130 points to open the year… drastic extremes.
Two matchups last week were such blowouts that the winning team’s bench would’ve even collected the W, we’ll hit on this shortly.
Make sure to exercise your right to vote…
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Tonight, we’ve got a super fun AFC North Thursday Night Game (those are NEVER sloppy, NEVER). The shit as Bengals take on the shit ass Ravens for the right to be the shit ass AFC north team with the most shit potential to lose in the fucking first round of the AFC playoffs to like Houston or an AFC West team.
Without further ado.
Week 1 Review
Harrisonburg 21-16 124.1 @ Call Me Big Popp-Ah 111.2
Another hotly contested game. Jacob was really just too much for Sam to match in this one. Overall, Sam had his points pretty condensed among 2/3 players while Jacob saw production from everyone. I guess in week 1 the roster depth was > than roster density. Not really a cause for concern for Sam but if one of the big boys (Cousins/Kamara) falters next week in a similar team performance it’ll likely be 0-2 and time to consider adjustments.
Jacob gets his revenge:
Falls Church FOBS 118.7 @ Super Bowl Champion Eagles 125.2
This one had me nervous for a bit. Phil was looking strong early on in the 1 PM slate and by 2 he was starting to pull away. Pretty sure my decision to switch over to Yeungling (as I predicted in the moment) turned the tides in this one. From there out Mixon was dealing, Barkley was able to get a touchdown and I had a solid lead entering the afternoon lineup. Cam Newton and Keenan Allen were able to put up points though, and Phil would hold a 15 or so point lead with a Sunday and Monday night WR left on my roster. Fortunately, Adams and Jones were able to find a touchdown and some yards between them and the good guys took home the W. Onto the next one.
I like it:
Red Wedding 136.8 @ Kings of Leon 84
This game went so badly for Nick that even if he got to start ALL of his bench players with his roster he would’ve lost… he actually still would’ve lost to 4 teams this week if he could’ve done that… that’s a dark fact to stare in the face, Nick. Brian could’ve won this game with his bench that’s how soundly his team won this game. None of Nick’s running backs were able to go over the 10-point mark (though he’ll point out Hunt didn’t either so the KEEP wouldn’t have helped this week). Olsen is out for a few weeks and Nick is praying that situation doesn’t turn into another high draft pick wasted on a hurt TE. Mike Thomas and TB12 were the only bright spot on the team, going for 26 and 29 points, but a lot needs to happen quickly for Nick to avoid an 0-2/3 holes on the season. Dan Bailey is still an FA, the running backs look meh and Nick’s not happy about the season outlook.
Nick ran into a buzzsaw:
Marian’s Bitch 126.7 @ Plockett Like It’s Hawt 132.6
This game was our Monday Nighter for the week as Joe is rocking like the entire Rams offense this season. Pat entered Monday with a solid lead of around 60, needing Joe to miss out on the 20/20/20 mark from his Rams trio of Goff, Gurley, and Cooks. Gurley hit the mark, but that was it for Joe. Goff failed to go over the 20 mark (which the usually the line for a win from that position) and Cooks was stuck at 10. There was a brief moment late in the 4th when Joe has his shot. The Rams has first and goal any score (Goff or Gurley) likely would’ve given Joe the 5.9 he needed to pull out the W. Both teams put up strong scoring, it just so happened that one of them had to lose. Joe picks up where he left off by kindly taking the L in this one.
I’d have been mad at the Rams for this one also:
Butler Pirates of Planet Cuck 9 84.1 @ TETRAHYDRO CHUCKABINOL 109.2
Really rough Saturday for Butler in this one. Doug Baldwin left the game after not catching his one target on the day. Lamar Miller leads the way for the running backs… with 11. It was really just Aaron Rodgers, Odell Beckham and that was it. On the other side of the field, pretty much everything was going right for Charlie. Royce Freeman certainly left a lot to be desired as a first-round selection and Burkhead is probably not the long-term answer at FLEX but those questions aside, Charlie had an excellent first week (as he’s done every year believe it or not). Chuck’s bench even went off in this game (we’ll get to that later).
This week: Weed > Cucks
Power Rankings
*updated as of 9/13 5:21P
Game of the Week
Plockett Like It’s Hawt (1-0)
@
Red Wedding (1-0)
Line: BIGY -4
A big week 2 showdown between the two leading scorers form week 1… This matchup could go a long way towards determining a first round by this winter. These were the only teams to go over 130 points last week; this week’s projections call for a lower scoring matchup, however.
James Conner and David Johnson draw tough matchups for Brian, but if Brees can put up his usual production and a WR or 2 can break out, he should be able to put pressure on Pat. Freeman getting healthy for Sunday would help Brian but aside from that the only roster decision remaining is who to pick up at kicker.
Plockett has juicy matchups across the board at RB, all three face bottom 10 rushing defenses in the NFL (granted we’ve got one game of data). Pat will have an interesting decision at QB, we’ll have to see if he buys into Washington’s’ secondary but overall the roster kind of runs itself this week. Pat looks primed to break 100 points easily in week 2 and should compete for the top score of the week in a big divisional matchup.
This game is being played in at 4:00 PM on Thursday because we waited too long to move it for the Hurricane and now we’re fucked… wait that’s the ODU football game.
Hunger Foul
Marian’s Bitch: 66.7 Bench Points
Rough week for Joe; he puts up mad points, takes the L and then gets the hunger foul. There was strong competition for this award. Charlie left 105.8 points on his bench and still won… this is also a great opportunity to mention that those 105.8 bench points would’ve beaten Butler by 20+ so good job Chuck! Amazingly, the only real move Joe could’ve made to win here was Sander into the WR2 or the FLEX. Obviously, there’s a handful of 2-4 pointers that could’ve collectively gotten the job done but Sanders is the big one. Hopefully, Joe can get Marian to set his lineup next week so he can pull out the win… if not, gonna be a lonoonnnnnggnngnng season.
Waiver Move of the Week
Butler Pirates of Planet Cuck 9
Add Jeremy Hill, RB NE
SCALE 1 to 10:
There were 2 waivers moves all of last week. I added Case Keenum to my empty QB2 roster spot and then Pat… :) Pat picked up Jeremy Hill to fill the hole in his roster caused by Jeffrey being on the irl PUP. Hill ended up taking a hit form his own teammate, James Develin, which tore his ACL and ended his 2018 season. TBH James Develin is a fucking dumbass for this hit which I am judging off of a single screenshot of the hit that I’m just now seeing (see below). Looks like he fucking tried to just spear his bro with his fucking helmet like what a shithead. He is definitely not #HeadsUpFootballFam. This continues Pat’s RB woes from last year when he had like 8 on his roster and none of them could stay healthy or get touches. It’s also worth pointing out the attrition Pat’s roster is going through early on… Doug Baldwin – Doubtful, Julian Edelman – Suspended, Will Fuller – Questionable, Aaron Jones – Suspended, Alshon Jeffrey – Doubtful, Aaron Rodgers – Questionable… yeeks baboo
Bad Luck of the Week
Falls Church FOBS
Delanie Walke(I)R
This honestly might have been the difference in Phil winning and losing the game. Tennessee got caught in a nightmarish 6 hour+ game against Miami that was full of weather delays and injuries. Late in the 4th quarter, Walker caught a 15-yard pass, and then couldn’t get up. He very well might’ve gone on to get a fantasy game/real game-winning TD that drive but the world may never know. Not only did Phil lose the game, but he is now without his 7th round pick the rest of the year. Making matters worse, Phil’s backup, Hooper, is playing in the miserable Falcons red zone offense and Y'all know how that goes… Sorry, Phil.
Week 2 At A Glance
Plockett Likes It’s Hawt (1-0) @ Red Wedding (1-0)
Pat is the guy that has AJ Green. Don’t worry everyone else you’re safe. Moving on.
Harrisonburg 21-16 (1-0) @ Marian’s Bitch (0-1)
Back to back weeks where Joe will participate in the league’s Monday nightery, this time as the bystander in the duo. We won’t know much about this game until after the 4:05 slate but if Jacob is looking at 40 points or less on Monday night he’ll probably feel good (that’s where I’d draw the line I dunno where he does). The Philly/Tampa game at 1 is surprisingly important to this matchup as well. Joe really needs to avoid the 0-2 hole here in his redemption season.
Super Bowl Champion Eagles (1-0) @ Butler Space Pirates of Planet Cuck 9 (0-1)
I really wanna be different this year and have a worry free 2-0 start but I have a feeling Pat is gonna throw a wrench in that. We went through that phase in our relationship where we played every fantasy game within a point and I really can't do that again. This one will actually be decided on Sunday (no waiting til Monday how nice) and most of it will happen at 1 tbh. It could be cool to have a Saquon vs Odell Sunday night showdown to decide who wins or maybe that won’t be fun because Dallas can’t cover Odell. Aaron Rodgers should be drugged up and ready to go today so buckle up buckeroos.
Kings of Leon (0-1) @ TETRAHYDRO CHUCKABINOL (1-0)
Lots of question marks entering this one… How healthy is Leonard Fournette? Does Ben Roethlisberger suck now? Will Nick ever set his lineup, or will he start an injured TE and Free Agent Kicker all season? Nick’s lineup is so poorly managed at this point that I’d say I’ve seen better love and care out of Casey Anthony tbh. This game will mostly play out at 4:00 and I’m interested to see how things look headed into Monday with Carson left for Nick (and then maybe a hero kicker addition)
Call Me Big Popp-ah (0-1) @ Falls Church FOBS (0-1)
Who is gonna go into the 0-2 hole… the defending league champ? Or the guy who is still waiting on Le’Veon Bell? Like who the fuck even is Peyton Barber?! Honestly, Sam’s team is scary as fuck and it just avoided going off last week. We’ll see if he can bounce back here against Phil’s “get by til Bell is back” squad. Phil needs the points early baby because his whole lineup is 1:00 slot. Just want to say it's not like a strategy thing which time slots your players go just more so something you need to be aware us as to how you should be pacing vs your opponent. Phil will know by probably like 3:30 if today is gonna be good or shitty. If it goes shitty, Phil is gonna be outside of Bell’s house in Pittsburgh with a stereo playing some player to his player
Good luck to all,
Go birds
Stay Lit
Rock that #BigDickEnergy
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