Week 3 - Crossing the Aisle for Interleague Play

Obviously, we didn't get to [Jared] Goff enough, and we didn't get to [Todd] Gurley enough. We'll take a good look at the reasons why we didn't."

"We gotta do something [about the pass rush], we gotta do something," he said. "We gotta get there. We gotta win some one on ones, maybe call some more blitzes. We gotta figure something out. We will."

"It's hard to find a great one. It's hard to find a good one. It's hard to find one," he lamented with a straight face. "College football now, they're not really dropping back to pass and throwing footballs anymore. They're throwing laterals and they're throwing bubble screens and they're throwing read options. So, you've got to train these guys. It takes a little time to learn how to rush the passer. We've got some guys that are in that process right now."

- Jon Gruden, who traded away a top 2 defender in the league today, a man who went all pro at 2 DIFFERENT POSITIONS IN THE SAME SEASON, an elite HOF level pass rusher, saying a bunch of different shit about how perplexing it is that his team can’t rush the quarterback anymore since they traded Khalil Mack…. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE THE REASON!? HOW COULD WE HAVE AVOIDED THIS?????

Wow, longest quote of the week ever!

TLDR; the Raiders (at Jon Gruden’s request) traded future HOFer Khalil Mack and now they suck at doing all the things he was good at.

In case you’re wondering here’s a comparison of Khalil Mack’s stats vs THE ENTIRE RAIDERS DEFENSE

Not great, Jon, not great.

Another great scoring week for the league though, for the second week in a row we posted a higher score than that same week in any prior year. IN 2015 and 2016 the league opened with an average of 114 (last week was 115) but then fell to 105.3 the next week. This time around we managed to stay above the 100-mark in week 2.

The league has never averaged less than 100 points in week 3. Uphold the standard.

Forgot to mention that the Saints D tied a league record for lowest scoring start ever last week at -8.

No one else joined Jacob in the 30-win club last weekend, Plockett, Sam, Brian, and Charlie will certainly do it this year though. Joe, however, is 1 game away from being the first league member to join the 30-loss club. How exclusive.

Something random I’ve also just noticed only 2 league member possesses a perfect record against another league member. Pat Butler is 2-0 all-time against Nick and Pat Lockett is 4-0 all-time against Charlie and 3-0 vis Phil.

For the second week in a row, the Wubalubadubdub division averaged a higher score than the Schwifty. Those 84s don’t help, Patrick!!! (but keep putting them up vs. me ok, bb?)

We had some great individual weeks as well. Brian smashed his week 2 average by a mile. He historically has a week 2 downturn but this year he didn’t just post a big score, he increased on his week 1 total (136.8) for the first time ever! Week 3 has seen everything from 149 to 99 points for Brian so no real trend there.

Joe also improved on his week 1 score for the first time since 2015, which was also the last time he scored over 100 points in week 2 of the season. Sam also came up with big points this weekend going for 147.3. He is now alternating his week 2’s between sub and over 100-point performances, very cool.

Pat and Phil somehow both start the season out on a plateau. Butlet scored 84.1 and 84.7 points each week while Phil has gone 118.7, 118.9. Both are 0-2. Nick and PatB are still the only owners yet to score over 100 in the season… Nick is 1-1 in spite of this.

Wide Receiver scoring is at an all-time high right now, accounting for 34.46% of the league’s points. The highest that number has even been at season’s end is 30.75%, with an average much closer to 29.25%.

Tonight, we have the fucking matchup of the year!

JETS!

BROWNS!

Browns are actually wearing color rush uniforms this week, so I can bring the reviews back!

THEY SUCK

Will those Bud Light victory fridges open up tonight? Maybe!

Without further ado.

Week 2 Review

Plockett Like It’s Hawt 114.5 @ Fitz Magic 138.1

I was super tempted to just screenshot Brian’s group message saying he lost when AJ Green caught his third touchdown Thursday night and the use it for the game gif but I found a better schtick this week, I think. But in all honesty, all of us scrambler Thursday night/Friday morning to double check that we weren’t playing Green, who had 3 TDs on his first 3 catches Thursday. Luckily for Brian, Green wasn’t going to find 100 total yards (69, nice) and perhaps because of it, he wouldn’t be the highest scoring wideout in this matchup. The Maryland homie Stefon Diggs came through with 124 yards and 2 Tuddies on 9 snags for Brian to wipe a 27-point AJ green advantage and flip that bitch into a 4-point edge on Brian’s side. Catches are king in fantasy football! Even though we only do ½ PPR, they still matter. On those 4 catches, Diggs got 59 extra yards, amounting to a total of 7.9 extra points in his advantage, more than enough to cover the touchdown difference… toss in some rushing yards and bang: 4 point flip. Brian took the series lead vs Pat at 5-4 with this win.

After Thursday we thought it was over for Brian, but:

Super Bowl Champion Eagles 107.7 @ Butler Space Pirates of Planet Cuck 9 84.7

A back and forth fight that slowly saw the needle shift in my favor as the 4:00 slate went on. Pat had a decent lead through the first round of games, but the way the matchups/times set up it looked as though I might just need to keep it close through one round. As the second slate progressed that proved to be true as both WRs went for 10+ point performances and Robbie Gould threw up 14 big time points on his way to being the fantasy world’s top kicker. Simultaneously, the Patriots Defense were turning their baseline 10 points into a -1, adding to the cause. It didn’t hurt that the day was capped off with a force-feeding of Saquon Barkley who will get 15+ carries and 10+ check down passes every week for eternity hopefully. I got closer to evening things up with pat at 3-5 but it would take a sweep and a playoff rematch to tie up the series in 2018.

It’s been a miserable start to the season for Pat:

Call Me Big Popp-ah 147.3 @ Falls Church FOBS 118.9

Two very QB centric teams it looks like. Both of these teams are rocking top 10 passers who went for 30+ in week 2. Sam showed that RB depth can carry in this one as Kamara and Hunt failed to breakout but were helped by McCaffrey’s 14 catch 102-yard receiving performance (that’s WR numbers Y'all). The difference in this game was simply that Phil couldn’t find anything at the RB position, while Sam saw decent baseline games with a big FLEX RB game added on. The 3 RB approach is going to make Sam a tough out every week because even Byes and injuries can’t hurt him that deeply. Meanwhile, Phil is basically going to live off roster moves and waivers until Bell get his shit together. That being said, Tevin Coleman should probs be in the lineup for the next 4 weeks if you’re following the news ;). Sam is now 4-1 vs Phil, must be nice to have a free win on the schedule twice a year.

Phil is desperate for Le’Veon to come back at this point:

Kings of Leon 95.5 @ TETRAHYDRO CHUCKABINOL 79.6

Charlie managed to squander Big Ben’s 42.5 points, which was the 5TH HIGHEST SINGLE GAME SCORE IN LEAGUE HISTORY! Amazingly Big Ben was the right call over Pat Mahomes and his 41.1 points… Charlie is now in possession of the 2nd and 7th ranked QBs for fantasy scoring this season thus far. Ben was Charlies ONLY PLAYER TO GO OVER 10 POINTS on the week. Royce Freeman is the suspect round 1 pick of the year thus far *throw shade* (say that in a whisper voice in your head). A combination of Sammy Watkins and some others would’ve given Chuck a win and tbh the way Arizona looks I think you gotta bench Larry until something changes like the QB but I don’t even think that fixes it. It's nice having that young stud QB option though… until he tears an ACL like mine did last year. Nick and Charlie are now tied at 2-2 all time, though Charlie does hold the lone playoff win in the series.

How Nick feels about Mike Thomas:

BONUS GIF:

When you’re bummed that you lost but then you remember you have Ben and you get high:

Harrisonburg 21-16 95.1 @ Marian’s Bitch 134.2

Joe finally gets one on the board thanks to Marian’s availability to set his lineup for the week. Any week the Rams play a shit squad like the Cardinals is going to be rough for whoever draws Joe. Fortunately, that just looks like weeks 13 and 16 right now, but those line up in critical weeks of the season as the last regular season game and the postseason finale. So, theoretically, those two juicy matchups could be the only tow he needs. Joe improved to 3-4 vs Jacob with his win. Let’s see who I scheduled Joe to play in week 13… oh super that’s awesome, it’s ME! GO Lions GO! The true difference in this game was a lack of a breakout performance on Jacob’s side. Gurley gave Joe a 30 point showing but Jacob couldn’t find another big game form Ajayi, Howard or Julio to match. I’m pretty sure Julio his historically followed up big fantasy weeks with meh games, just an FYI.

Jacob really needed a star this week… really needed it:

Power Rankings

*updated as of 9/20 3:30P

Some fun notes for this time:

To better understand consistency, look at Pat and Phil. Phil is consistently posting the same 110+ score = good and consistent, Pat consistently posting a -85 score = bad and consistent. Teams with more bad scores but less consistency are still low on the consistency score but since Pat is so consistently low thus far his consistency begins to count against him in this metric.

Joe’s roster score bumped him into Brian’s tier. Apparently, the experts like him the most moving forward on the season as a whole.

Roster scores came out as follows:

As: Joe (+), PatL (-), Brian (-)

Bs: Thomas, Sam, Brian (-)

Cs: PatB (-)

Ds: Phil (+), Nick

F: Chuck (+)

Game of the Week

Butler Space Pirates of Planet Cuck 9 (0-2)

Harrisonburg 21-16 (1-1)

Line: WILD -6.4

Russell Wilson and Aaron Rodgers really haven’t been themselves this season. Rodgers is banged up already and Russ has the shittiest offense (and specifically line) in human history. With decent play-makers at Wide Receiver (edge Jacob) and Tight End (edge Pat, maybe), I think this ultimately comes down to the running backs.

Pat needs Kenyan Drake to assert himself as a valid keeper choice and it wouldn’t hurt if Miller or Cook could throw in a breakout performance of their own. Jacob also needs Howard to prove himself worthy of the keep as Matt Breida continues to tease a big day.

Jacob has owned the series with Pat so far with a 5-2 advantage. So far the projections call for this one to be very close.

This game is being played in Tokyo, Japan at 1:00 PM Eastern Standard Time just to fuck with (2:00 AM local time, have fun waking up to those 84 points).

Hunger Foul

Plockett Like It’s Hawt: 103Bench Points

Big week for the Plockett bench as it almost outscored the starters! Chuck came close here with a 93.7 on the bench, but PLo was able to pull it out. DeShaun or JuJu alone could've made this a 1TD game but the two together would’ve given Pat the win outright. It’s always tough to get the Hunger Foul, especially when the points are so big, but the good news here is Pat has a ton of depth and still managed to post a respectable score. Nonetheless, if the quarterbacks and role players don’t find some consistency, Pat could be in for a grind of a year.

Waiver Move of the Week

FITZ MAGIC

Add Bears D/ST, Drop Saints D/ST

SCALE 1 to 10:

Brian went from -8 points (tied for the worst start in league history) to +21… 29 points might be the biggest swing the waiver move of the week has seen. Khalil Mack is a point scoring freak and the Bears draw a light schedule since they sucked last year. Almost any other D/ST Brian could’ve picked up would’ve made this a much closer game and a slightly dimmer future for Brian’s team.

Bad Luck of the Week

Butler Space Pirates of Planet Cuck 9

Those 84 points

Pat can’t seem to get away from 84. He had so many opportunities last week and they all went awry. Most notably would be an Aaron Rodgers to Jimmy Graham double dip TD that was called back for holding (that’s 13 points right there). Pat also ran into the fucking Buzzsaw that is Robbie “Ice Cold” Gould, and had to watch kick by kick, 14 points rack up against him. Tune in this week as Pat tries to break the curse of 84 in our annual week 3 interconference play.