Week 4 - Early Elimination

"Just NASCAR on grass." – Dolphins receiver Jakeem Grant, explaining the big plays Miami used to beat the Raiders

Congrats on ANOTHER great week, fam! For the third week in a row, the league scored higher than its all-time average for the week & for a third week in a row we improved on last week’s average. This is the most points the league has averaged through 3 weeks since 2015.

Week 4 is either our toughest or easiest test depending on how you look at it. It has the lowest average score for the league at 100.59 (no week are below 100 congrats). So, either it’s the easiest mark to beat or you can think of it as the week we all tend to suck the most. Big mental hurdle here guys. Like Penn State getting a win @ Iowa, or Virginia Tech winning a Thursday night game against GT. It’s just a personal demon you have to defeat if you’re going to make this season a great one.

Jacob still sits alone in the 30-win club, Sam is now right outside the door though. Meanwhile, the 30-loss club still awaits its first member… I’m predicting we’ll have 3-4 people in by season’s end. I think at least half the league can have 30 wins easily by the end of the year as well.

Brian, Sam, and Joe smashed their week 3 averages while most of the league hovered near theirs. Nick and Pat are the only owners yet to beat their weekly average this season… Good (or bad) news for PBut though, he averages 87.8 points in week 4.

Two!! Top 5 all-time player scores last week!

Matt Ryan had 374 yards and 5 tuddies on his way to 43.9 points for Joe

And

Drew Brees had 396 yards and 3 passing TDs and 2 rushing while earning Brian 43.5 points

Sorry, Chuck but this has knocked Big Ben out of the top 5.

Nick and PBut still haven’t gone over 100 on the year and ironically, they’re both the only owners averaging less than 100 points per game all time. Pat has never gone over 100 points in week 4…

We saw the WR numbers come down vs the league total last week, but mostly because QBs are booming. Football passer guys are scoring 20% of the league’s points vs. the highly consistent average of 18%.

On an individual level:

Brian has been getting a ton out of both the QB (24.84%) and WR (33.51%) positions (and nothing from the TE and beyond).

Nick, Sam, and Jacob have the high positional point density in the league with a unit accounting for 40% of their team’s total (Nick’s WR – 41.7%, Sam’s RB – 41.04%, Jacob’s WR – 40.8%,).

Nick not only has the most important unit bet he also gets the award for most irrelevant unit as his defense accounts for a mere 1.53% of his total (4 points this year)!

Pretty cool matchup tonight as two NFC favorites collide in what will surely be hyped as a potential NFC Championship preview because we gotta get eyeballs, ya know?

Congrats on nobody being 0-3… that could’ve been ugly. You generally need 6-7 wins to make our postseason and with 10 weeks remaining… you do the math. A 0-3 team would have to be good enough for 7-3 or better down the stretch… Things aren’t much prettier for a 1-3 team though, so don’t become that guy (even though one of you will, we’ll get to that part later).

Rams rocking these throwbacks (for every home game here on out)

Also got this logo going now

I'll give you one guess as to who is winning the branding war in LA…

Two great teams to go to waste on a week of short rest and long travel:

#Whiteout on that last pic too ;)

Without further ado.

Week 3 Review

Butler Space Pirates of Planet Cuck 9 91.4 @ Harrisonburg 21-16 88.6

A big win for the Butler Space Pirates as they pulled out a Monday night nail-biter for the first dub of the year. This is especially big for Pat because it keeps him out of a 0-3 hole. Remember we play 13 weeks and you historically need 7 wins to be safely in the playoffs… if you open 0-3, yikes. Aaron Rodgers came up big in a week where points were almost impossible for Pat to come by. Butlet needed 2.4 out of Desean Juicy J Jackson and wound up with 5.2… consider he only has 3 catches on the night, it was very close. Jacob will now have to rally and avoid a rough start of his own. QB is certainly concerning thus far and RB could also become a struggle fast if one of his 8 backs doesn’t break out.

Pat just barely saved his season:

Hoe’s Team 161.5 @ TETREHYDRO CHUCKABINOL 115.3

Huge week for Hoe’s Team and only the TE and Defense went for less than 10 points. Matt Ryan pumped out the 3rd best performance in league history as Joe cruised to a victory over what was honestly a strong showing out of Chuck. Peterson and Allen solved the RB blues for a week, but Chuck just couldn’t match a 40 spot. Had Mahomes matched Ryan this still would’ve been pretty lopsided. Shouts to Chuck for making the right QB call these last two weeks though. Very easy to fuck that situation up and miss out on a big day randomly but he has made all the right calls so far. See you on the gridiron this week, old pal. Joe is now in second in the league btw… that worst to first dream is close to reality.

Joe is back with a vengeance:

Joe if you manage to hold first place for consecutive weeks ill make that your logo

Kings of Leon 82.4 @ Super Bowl Champion Eagles 108.2

This game was super interesting. It was another Sunday Special with no Monday matchup to wait on. Including the Slam Sedan on Thursday night, I essentially needed to rack up as big a lead as possible before Sunday night and try to outlast Brady and Prater. Entering the prime-time showdown, I had a 95.3 to 60 lead… honestly, with Brady incoming, I didn’t feel great. Amazingly, against all odds, Marvin Jones was the top scorer in the game between us, capping off a huge 25-point win, pushing me to first place in the league for the first time since 2015 (the original and Squanchtown Squanchers)

And we back, And we back, And we back, And we back:

Fitz Magic 125.7 @ Call Me Big Popp-ah 147.4

Might have to bust out the buzz saw gif again for this one. At first glance, you’d think Brian had a stellar day, getting 125 points out of his team, but that 125 is really an 81 when you take away Brees’ record day. On the flip side of things, Sam saw point from pretty much every spot except the QB. I don’t think we’ll ever see a team come this close to breaking 150 with their quarterback also staying under 10, that’s unheard of. I’m pretty confident Sam will see a week this season where all 3 of his backs go for 20+ points… this week Hunt missed that by 3.9 points. The winner of this matchup claims a lot of contender points and tbh id put the league crown between Sam and Joe right now with Brian and PLo right behind.

Sam, welcome to the contender (status):

VT 35 ODU 49 101.3 @ Falls Church FOBS 103.6

FUCKING GAME OF THE WEEK Y’ALL!! Turn up! Lots of storylines in this one as it all came down to Monday night. Pat needed 56.8 points to pull the late stunner and Phil still had a running back to go… Peyton Barber would prove to be the difference with his measly 3.3 points as Phil pulled out the epic 2.3-point win. We’ll have more on this one later… This was Pat’s first ever loss to Phil and it came in very exciting fashion. This game officially goes down as the 5th closest JPFL game ever.

That was goddam exciting:

Power Rankings

*updated as of 9/27 6:00P

Power Rankings Notes:

Joe has shot up to share the 1 spot with Brian. Entering week 2 he was 5th in the polls.

Jacob is the owner on the steepest slide rn, he’s currently projecting himself into the bottom four at a steady pace which is only being rivaled by Plockett currently… though pat has the added cushion of stating his decent from the 2 spot.

Your FPros Roster Rankings (how experts grade your current roster for the rest of the season):

PLo (+)

Brian

Joe

(ok so these guys grade out at 100, 99, 99 just FYI)

Sam (+)

Thomas (+)

Butler Pirate

Nick

Chuck

Phil

Fucking aggressive spread here, three teams at or within a point of 100 and then 3 teams at or within 2 points of 50… “like wow” - Beck

Around week 5 the rankings start to dichotomize themselves into top 6 and bottom 4 (or along those lines) and do a great job predicting the playoff cut so keep an eye out.

Game of the Week

VT 35 ODU 49 (1-2)

Kings of Leon (1-2)

Line: PLO -12.

POTENTIAL ELIMINATION GAME ALERT

Ok, it’s not even potential… it is an elimination game. I chose this game because I did some digging and found out how teams that start 1-3 or worse finish vs. teams that start 2-0… Here are the numbers

Average wins

1-3 or worse start: 4.5

2-2 start: 6.875

Since we’ve expanded to 10 teams, no team has ever bounced back from 1-3 or worse to finish with more than 6 wins…

Only 1 JPFL team has ever started 1-3 or worse and made the playoffs: that was fucking ME in 2015… Squanchtown Squanchers 1-4 to 9-5 (and first place nbd)… don’t ask how the playoffs went though…. Fucking David Johnson

Who’s going home this week?!? Vote now!!

Jk… but really I’m starting a game of the week poll now bitches.

This game is being played in on the TVs they sometimes have at gas station pumps, all advertisements will be for rewards cards and shitty gas station food at unreasonably cheap prices.

Just found out that GSTV is a REAL THING and you can guess from the context (or google) what that stands for…

Hunger Foul

VT 35 ODU 49: 98.3 Bench Points

For the second week in a row, Pat has posted a HoF hunger Foul AND for the second week in a row, he narrowly beat out a HoF caliber performance from Chuck (97.2) to claim it. This one was especially excruciating because pat lost by 2.3 points… did I mention that’s the 5th smallest margin of defeat ever? Wow! And you left almost 100 points on the bench and then wow that’s crazy you only lost by 2.3… man. The bench would’ve only lost by 5.3 btw… all joking aside, most of those points result from keeping 2 QBs on the bench (which looks like a necessity tbh). Alex Collins would’ve won the game but don’t dwell on that; let’s focus on something more positive like if you don’t win this week you probably won’t make the postseason… that’s much more settling.

Waiver Move of the Week

Pat B. & Jacob

A bunch

SCALE 1 to 10:

So, there weren’t any great waiver last week I’m just gonna be honest. Pat dropped Brandon Marshall’s 4 points for DeSean Jackson’s 5.2 and had a few bench players go for better days (and he won by more than 1.2 so its moot). Pat also dropped Vinatieri’s 10 points for Crosby’s 6 while Jacob added a whole 4 points with Sam Kick w/ Ficken. Just wanted to point out all the random low point moves that happened in one game as a way, to sum up this week in waivers.

Bad Luck of the Week

VT 35 ODU 49

Those last few MNF drives

Wow, this was killer… Pat had a legitimate shot to win this game down the stretch and the projections even said it would happen for a minute. Pat trailed by 2.3 with just 2:41 to go in the game after Fitzpatrick’s 3rd TD of the night… never mind that any of his 3 picks were the difference in pat winning and losing (AND THUS A GREAT REFLECTION OF REALITY YOU GUYS ARE WELCOMING FOR MY GENIUS FUCKING SCORING SYSTEM) if the Steelers find a way to get Brown or JuJu 1 catch for 18 yards (or any similar math) pat is golden. They got one first down without using his wideouts to pick up any yards. Fitzpatrick would have a shot with 26 seconds to go, but couldn’t complete any chunk plays to help lift pat to victory... what a tease.