Week 5 - Presidential Alert Test!!
- Thomas (feat. PJ Lightning)
- Oct 3, 2018
- 9 min read
"How do you win if it's only 6 inches?” – Al Michaels this Sunday Night
Also was Jim Nantz saying “bitch here”
Welp, I saw last week was a big challenge for the league… and we stepped up big time. We smashed out lowest scoring week of the year and put our new average for week 4 ABOVE 105… That’s up 5 points, all time, from just 1 week of action. At this point, I’m honestly going to be surprised if we ever score less than the league average for any upcoming week.
Week 4 was our highest-scoring week of the year, thanks in large part to hall of fame scores out of Sam and Joe. In fact, Week 4 was our second highest scoring week of all time behind only week 13 of 2015.
Almost everyone cleared their week 4 average, but a few unfortunate souls were not really able to take positives away from Sunday.
Charlie posted his lowest score ever during the first quarter of the year.
Nick repeated his week 4 performance of last year dropping down to the 70s. He’s yet to go for triple digits on the year and the scores have been decreasing (make a trade fam).
Pat Butler also hasn’t crossed the 100 point threshold this season and took his own trip to the 70s this Sunday.
Quarterback and Wide Receivers are still scoring most of the league's points, running backs and tight ends (and even defenses) have become premiums as a result.
Hardest working unit in the league goes to Jacob’s wideouts’ they amount for 46.14% of his score this season, Phil’s Wideouts are in second accounting for 40.05% of yearly output.
Current slackers of the year = Nick’s D/ST at 2.7% of total output.
We’ve got a classic matchup this Thursday as Peyton Manning and the boys head to Foxboro, New England for an AFC Playoff matchup.
Without further ado.
Week 4 Review
VT 35 ODU 49 125.1 @ Kings of Leon 75.8
Usually when they meet it’s a close once but Pat avoided his usual fantasy kryptonite (Nick) and evened this series up at 3 wins apiece. His team was lifted to victory by huge QB play, a breakout at running back and a consistent WR corps. Nick finally saw a decent day form Brady but the rest of the roster was meh… he’ll have to find a breakout RB candidate soon if Fournette is going to have an off year.
Nick would do anything for Leonard Fournette to make his team a contender again:
Harrisonburg 21-16 131.9 @ Fitz Magic 128.1
This was a huge game for Jacob to win as it kept Brian from turning the Wubalubadubdub division into an early 2 horse race. Amazingly, no one really saw a big day form the QB or RB positions here leaving it to the WR and FLEX roles to throw up the points, which they did. The ultimate difference in this matchup was that Jacob was able to get 20s across the board in this department while Brian suffered a 10. T
These two teams could battle it out for rights to take on Joe for the Division crown:
TETRAHYDRO CHUCKABINOL 69.1 @ Super Bowl Champion Eagles 110.6
The 100-point machine pulled it out again. Not sure how I’m doing it but week after week I’m finding a way to be over the three-digit threshold while playing an opponent who couldn’t. Carson Wentz had his first big fantasy day of the year to keep Pat Mahomes at bay while my dawg Saquon Barkley made it a wash between our RBs. From there, the body of the roster was able to outpace its counterpart piece for piece, capped by an unmatched 22.8 from Amari Cooper.
When I look at my roster like, how the fuck we 4 and 0?:
Falls Church FOBS 101.5 @ Does anyone really like Joe? 183.4
Phil is hovering like me, and that’s cool and all if you’re competing with a someone like Charlie who is having roster issues… but its another thing entirely when facing Joe who is out for blood. Matt Ryan and Todd Gurley went off again followed by Gio Bernard… the good news for you guys is that Joe Mixon is back and Gio is hurt so maybe Joe won't be able to bully people around like this next week, or maybe Sony Michel gets those points instead… oh well. If Joe wins another game before week 7, he garuntess a winning record that week and will win back his team naming rights.
Joe would’ve have set a JPFL Scoring record were it not for our next game:
Call Me Big Popp-ah 195.2 @ The Butler Space Pirates of Planet Cuck 9 78.5
Congratulations to Sam on the highest scoring week in JPFL history at 195.2! the only place to go from here is really 200, that’s our new benchmark. Not only was this the highest score ever posted but it was also the biggest win in league history at a 116.7-point margin of victory. Pat got cucked very hard in this one (which means he got off very hard too technically). Good job Sam’s team, bad job Pat’s team. Lets’ move on.
If a joke is funny once it’s funny twice?:
Power Rankings
*updated as of 10:51A 10/3
No one has lone control over most of the important metrics. The power rankings are certainly starting to break into a top 6 and bottom 4, now we’ll start to finally see some layering within those tiers.
Your FPros Roster Rankings (how experts grade your current roster for the rest of the season):
A’s
Joe (+)
Sam (-)
Plo (-)
Jacob (-)
B’s
Tom 89 (+)
C’s
Brian 79 (+)
Butler 78 (+)
Nick (-)
D’s
F’s
Phil
Chuck
Game of the Week
Call Me Big Popp-ah (3-1)
@
TETRAHYDRO CHUCKABINOL (1-3)
Line: THCC -7.1
This could turn out to be a major first half of the season game for the schwifty division. While Pat and Nick play to essentially kill the other’s season hopes, Sam and Charlie will be holding out the battle that determines whether or not the division will be a two horse race moving forward.
The fantasy league is starting to shape up as we approach the 1/3 mark of the season. This game is big in shaping the divisions especially because of the matchups surrounding it. Pat and Phil will essentially be fighting for their lives at 1-3. The winner very much needs Chuck to keep Sam within arm’s reach. If Sam and I both lose this weekend, Charlie and the winner of Pat/Phil could gut out a rally and make a serious push for the 2 seed in the division. If I win, this game because even more critical because it essentially decides if Sam and I will simply be duking it out for 1st and 2nd in this division or if that same battle will happen between teams 2 and 3…
This has a similar feel to Harrisonburg 21-16 vs VT 35 ODU 49 in the wubalubadubdub division just with a bit more sense of urgency for the loser.
This game is being played at FOUR TWENTTTYYYYY you already knew it bruh! #Litty
Hunger Foul
Fitz Magic: 98.2 Bench Points
This weekend, Brian’s bench came just 1.1 points shy of making the hall of fame! But this was still a hunger foul worth remembering because Brian only lost his matchup by 3.8 points. Lots of moves could’ve netted a W here but to top things off, has Kupp and Rivers made their way into the lineup we could’ve seen a 163.6 on the scoreline this week… would’ve added to some of the other statements being made around the league. Even crazier, Brian’s bench did this while posting 3 0s and a 3… lots of big days left sitting.
Waiver Move of the Week
Butler Space Pirates of Planet Cuck 9
Drop WR DeSean Jackson, Add WR Calvin Ridley
SCALE 1 to 10:
Calvin Ridley had an awesome week, hauling in 4 of 6 targets for 54 yards and 2 Tuddies… that’s good for 19.5 points in our league. This was even better than Desean Jackson’s 13 point showing… There was only 1 problem though, Calvin was on the bench. Sometimes you gotta trust the pickup when you make it and this was that time. Pat is entering treacherous waters now at 1-3 and he’s facing some massive lineup decisions. Let's see which bold decisions he’ll make and whether or not they save his season.
Bad Luck of the Week
Butler Space Pirates of Planet Cuck 9
All sorts of shit
Pat had the league’s highest score ever hung on him this weekend. Sam took no prisoners as he raped and pillaged his way across planet Cuck (and the cucks totally loves it tbh). Only Allen Robinson held the kindness in his heart to no go over the 10-point mark. Meanwhile Pat watched as Alshon returned to the lineup for 20 points and Calvin Ridley would repeat the performance that earned a pickup… still Pat trusted his 3 stellar RBs to carry the load
And then Amazon hit him with a top 5 prank (see above)
Now apparently the whole farm is for sale…
Introducing...
a new weekly feature in which pat (or any owner i can add a section and change the title) will speak his mind, i give you...
The Co-Comissioner's Minute
by P.J. Lightning
“This might be the best team you’ve ever had” - PLo on my team after the draft
Boy was he wrong (and me of course, for drafting the players, but that’s besides the point). Wow, in my first year ever not drafting Tom Brady, I really thought I could finally break the mold of my middling teams by taking a high profile RB/WR instead of an early Tom Brady pick. Not only was I successful in that, I was able to snag the #1 ranked QB Aaron Rodgers pretty late. Unfortunately, these plans have not been successful at all, and I think that they showcase a few strong patterns in fantasy (at least this year).
1. Elite RBs are the only sure thing in the draft; having one puts your team on the map, and having two makes your team OP.
We kind of saw this being realized during the draft as there was a run on RBs and OBJ slipped all the way to me at pick 10. There are so few elite RB’s in the league right now it’s kind of ridiculous. Not only that, but this year all the elite RBs were pretty easily identified. Here are the top 5 RBs right now by PPG:
1. Kamara
2. Gurley
3. Gordon
4. Barkley
5. Elliot
Let’s take a look at who owns these RBs? Sam, the OP team in Schwifty, has the transcendent Kamara (5 ppg above Gurley) as well as Hunt and McCaffery who are the 9th and 13th ranked backs respectively. Joe, the OP team of Wubalubdubdub, has Gurley and Elliot. Thomas, the only undefeated team, has Barkley. And Pat, the 4th highest scoring team, has Gordon. These 4 teams are tearing up the league right now, along with Brian’s team, who deservers major credit for being the 3rd highest scoring in spite of should-be elite RB David Johnson underperforming.
What’s also common with these 5 teams at the top of the league? They were the first five picks in the draft. With these 5 first picks, they picked elite RB’s (except for Pat who had Gordon already kept). I’m also convinced Phil would be in this group if Bell, the other elite RB, hadn’t held out. Based on this, he’ll quickly rejoin the top ranks once Bell ends his holdout. Good luck to Jacob, Nick, Charlie and I to even stand a chance without one. Fournette/Cook were hopeful elite RBs who have been dealing with injuries. Howard has straight underperformed for Jacob, and Charlie put his faith in the force and drafted Freeman first, who has been outshone by undrafted rookie Philip Lindsay.
2. There are so many gotdamn WRs.
In past years there has been a similar pattern with WRs as there have been with RBs, in that there was an elite tier of WRs performing at a level significantly higher than the rest; not this year. This year, the #1 WR, Adam Thielen, only scores 4.9 ppg than the 20th ranked WR, John Brown. Compare this to RBs where Kamara scores 18.2 more ppg than 20th ranked Isaiah Crowell. With the elite tier of WRs disappearing this year, those who waited to draft WRs are profiting and starting WRs can be found via the waiver wire. The league is passing and scoring so much this year that it’s not hard to find a WR that can get you 10+ points in any game.
3. QBs are incredibly moody.
It seems like every year, different QBs decide that they’re gonna tear up the NFL this year, or maybe they just don’t really feel like playing. Top QBs Rodgers, Brady, and Wilson have been disappointing, while under the radar QBs Mahomes, Fitzpatrick, Goff, and Cousins have been killing it. Also, 2018 divides by 2 so Matt Ryan’s energy is in full force. Once again, as the league is scoring so much right now, it’s not hard to find a starting QB on the wire.
TL;DR
If you have an elite RB (or 2 or 3) you’re in contention, if not, you’re fucked; all you can do is hope that your RB1 gets healthy, turns it on, ends his holdout, or starts using the force.
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