The Pre-Season Part 2: Time to Drink

Thomas
Aug 22, 2019
4 min read

“Speed Kills”

– The SEC

Oh boy, here I go killin again

Draft Update

Draft Order

As with last offseason, we’re using Phil’s beer mile punishment to determine the draft order. Nick B (taking over for Phil) will be first pick but everything else (2-10) is up for grabs

Everyone will submit a guess for Phil’s beer mile here:

Pat and I have already placed guesses, so we don’t have an advantage of knowing your responses.

The closest guess (over or under) gets to pick their draft slot from the remaining choices… from there we work our way until the furthest guess is left with whatever spot is remaining.

Drinking time is included in Phil’s beer mile. So if you think he will run the mile in 10 minutes and spend 9 minutes drinking, your guess should be 19 minutes.

Clicky Draft

We’re doing clicky draft again this year. It worked flawlessly last year I’d say,. Allows us to pause if someone has an issue and is completely flexible for our keeper needs.

Once again, I’ll send a link out before the draft, you’ll simply need to claim your team before the draft and then click the link once draft time rolls around.

The draft is MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 2nd at 9:00PM

For the first time ever, we have a perfect 10/10 response rate and will have a full draft.

Can’t wait to see which of you fucks that up.

Keepers

Keepers are back and better than ever… here are the keeper rules as a refresher:

The keeper method we will be using is keep by round selected, with a seventh-round cap (nine starting spots minus two for Kicker and D/ST). Essentially, you will be keeping your player by sacrificing the draft pick you hold in the round they were drafted. If your player was drafted in last year’s first round, you will be selecting that player with your first round pick… if they were taken in the 3rd then you will use your 3rd round pick… if they were a free agent acquisition or taken later than round 4, they will be treated as a round 4 pick and you will pick them in the 4th.

A couple of quirks within the system:

QBs and TEs can still be kept with a 7th round cap, if you took them later than the 4th round, they’ll still get the round 7 cap rule.

If you acquired a player via trade, we will go based on what round that player was drafted in by his original owner (same rules as explained above).

If you have traded the pick(s) you have in the round in which that player was acquired (i.e. you’re keeping a player you took in the 4th but have traded your 4th round pick for this year) you will lose the closest prior pick to the round your keeper would’ve been (in that scenario the player would lose their 3rd round pick).

If you have acquired an additional pick in your keeper round (i.e. keeping your third-round player and traded for another 3rd round pick) you will lose the earliest pick you have in that round.

If you are keeping the player you kept last season, it will cost the round you took them in last year minus 1… so a 3rd round keeper last year will cost a 2nd round pick this year…

You can check out all of these rules in further detail in the League constitution on the website.

Keeper Clock Restrictions

Due to the keeper clock rule, the following players cannot be kept this season:

Jordan Howard – Jacob

Melvin Gordon – Pat L

LeVeon Bell – Nick B

You can make your Keeper selection Here:

Keeper selections are due by Thursday, August 29th at midnight.

Voting Results

The following rule changes were approved:

The addition of a WR spot to the starting lineup
The bench will remain the same size (as also voted upon)
Fumbles = 0, Fumbles Lost = -2 points (total of -2 if lost, 0 if recovered)
Interception = -2 points
League Trade deadline pushed back form week 10 to week 13 (day before thanksgiving)

It was voted on that Keepers will remain in place, however, the new cap round for keepers is the 4th round. This cap will not apply to Quarterbacks and Tight Ends as voted on as well.

The league buy in was voted up $5 to $35

A unanimously approved change was the set up for league divisions. Divisions will now be randomized year to year with the reigning divisions champions staying split up and given naming rights to their division for the season.

The league also voted to remove the Hakiu punishment from the Parrot Demerit and add the calendar photoshoot

Free Agency is still split 50/50 so I guess by next offseason we’ll try to have a decent discussion about it.

We’ve already updated the constitution appropriately.

Beer Mile Beer List

Our top 4 from last year have submitted their beer choices. Joe will drink one of these before each ¼ mile leg of his run. We will work from 4th place to first so without further ado, here is your 2018 Parrot Demerit Beer Mile Lineup:

Beer 1 – Smirnoff Ice

Chosen by: Brian McAvoy

Two years in a row we’ve had a Smirnoff Ice involved. Lats year Lockett submitted it for Leg 2, which is an easier place to have it, I think. I’d say you want your toughest beers first so you can get through them when you’re least wanting water instead. Should be an easy first hurdle for Phil.

Beer 2 – Sour Monkey

Chosen by: Pat Lockett

Honestly the only bad thing about this beer is the ABV. It’ll definitely hit like a nuclear bomb… BUT, it should go down relatively easy. Going to get very drunk, very quick but honestly an easy first half on the pallet.

Beer 3 – Yeungling